My Experiences in Public vs Private School
If you were ever a student, which I assume you were, you've probably heard the stereotypes of public school kids being psychopaths, and private/homeschooled kids being weird and antisocial. As a student who has experienced both of these vastly differing worlds of education, I can verify that this is not the whole truth (partial truth. sorry, friends.)
From preschool to my freshman year of high school, I was a public school kid. As an elementary schooler, this didn't bother me one bit. Well, aside from the fact that my best friend and next door neighbor went to a charter school, and I was often annoyed by the amount of homework she got that held her back from playing with me after school. Besides that, I didn't know anything different, and it was fine. I went to three different elementary schools, which makes me sound like I committed horrible crimes at seven years old, but really it was just due to weird circumstances. In third grade, my neighborhood was rezoned, and in the middle of fifth grade my family moved.
It was in middle school that the concept of "public school" began to take shape. The first half of my sixth grade year was ROUGH. I had no motivation to do my work and felt that every second I spent in class was causing my brain to implode from the weight of boredom. When I returned after winter break that school year, I was moved into gifted classes after taking an exam that determined that I had qualified for such. After this, my workload got heavier and more intense, but I was finally around people who understood me and teachers that refrained from patronizing.
Gifted classes were wonderful, as I had the same teachers and same students in my core classes for all three years of middle school. We had a sort of bubble, a little family; it was lovely. However, our bubble was not immune to penetration. The hallways of my school reeked of weed, f-bombs were dropped everywhere, and I avoided going to the bathroom during school for obvious reasons.
Middle school was also the time when I began to develop symptoms of anxiety & panic disorder. It's not something I love or feel super comfortable talking about, but it's a very important part of my career as a student, so here we are. Being 12/13 at the time, I honestly had no idea what was going on, ever, and I had no idea that my random bouts of being unable to breathe and being convinced that I was going to die had a source. That understanding came later.
My freshman year of high school was the worst year of my life, hands down. I started the school year in August, I was fourteen years old, and I had no idea what was coming. I figured high school wouldn't be much different than middle school- I knew that I would have seven periods a day, all with different teachers, I had toured the campus, and I was taking classes with many of my middle-school-gifted-program friends. Honey, you've got a big storm comin'. *snaps*
I'm not sure exactly at what point of that year hell broke loose, but I'm going to say around thanksgiving/winter break. From an education standpoint, I was not doing very well. I had the capacity to do very well, but I wasn't, and I didn't know why. It was extremely frustrating knowing that you have the complete ability to do something, but for some reason, you just can't.
Truth is, I was not doing well, folks. It's very difficult to know what the catalyst was for all that went down. Was it the environment of a public high school (bomb threats, cigarette bathroom fires, an actual stabbing)? Was it due to a toxic friendship that ended horrifically? Was it just the fact that I was an impressionable, sensitive young teenager and it was all too much? I'll go with D. All of the Above. I'm not sure how deep I should go into this for privacy reasons of myself and those who were involved, so I'm going to keep it kind of vague. Basically, my mental health was very, very not good. I was constantly leaving school early because of anxiety, all of my friendships dissolved, I had no relationship with God; it was a complete disaster, honestly. What I really don't get is how I managed to keep a boyfriend during all of this. Impressive.
By the end of the year, I was so beaten and broken by that experience that I physically could not do it again. Thankfully, God knew my heart and He gave me a way out. For my sophomore year, I switched to a private, Christian school and I've been attending there ever since. I've been able to heal over those two years, and by the grace of God, I'm truly well. My anxiety is still present, but it's a minor inconvenience at most whereas it used to prevent me from doing absolutely anything. Unfortunately, none of those friendships that I lost have been mended. I've apologized and reconciled, but none of them were renewed. But, truth be told, I don't mind. I have new friends, and while I have a lot fewer now, they are very precious and are built on faithful foundations.
A huge majority of people go through public school just fine- I believe experiences like mine are very rare. I would not wish the turmoil I went through on anyone (I really don't want to sound super dramatic but I went through sooo much, more than I'd be willing to share on here). Through all of this, I've gotten to know myself, and even to love myself. I'm walking steadily with Jesus, and, to quote the queen, Taylor Swift, I'm doing better than I ever was.
Thank you to those who actually read this! I do these for the writing aspect- I don't hope to be even slightly popular online. Except on Club Penguin. Party at my igloo. I have a rainbow puffle.
Wishing you joy, courage, & hope,
Jadyn
From preschool to my freshman year of high school, I was a public school kid. As an elementary schooler, this didn't bother me one bit. Well, aside from the fact that my best friend and next door neighbor went to a charter school, and I was often annoyed by the amount of homework she got that held her back from playing with me after school. Besides that, I didn't know anything different, and it was fine. I went to three different elementary schools, which makes me sound like I committed horrible crimes at seven years old, but really it was just due to weird circumstances. In third grade, my neighborhood was rezoned, and in the middle of fifth grade my family moved.
It was in middle school that the concept of "public school" began to take shape. The first half of my sixth grade year was ROUGH. I had no motivation to do my work and felt that every second I spent in class was causing my brain to implode from the weight of boredom. When I returned after winter break that school year, I was moved into gifted classes after taking an exam that determined that I had qualified for such. After this, my workload got heavier and more intense, but I was finally around people who understood me and teachers that refrained from patronizing.
Gifted classes were wonderful, as I had the same teachers and same students in my core classes for all three years of middle school. We had a sort of bubble, a little family; it was lovely. However, our bubble was not immune to penetration. The hallways of my school reeked of weed, f-bombs were dropped everywhere, and I avoided going to the bathroom during school for obvious reasons.
Middle school was also the time when I began to develop symptoms of anxiety & panic disorder. It's not something I love or feel super comfortable talking about, but it's a very important part of my career as a student, so here we are. Being 12/13 at the time, I honestly had no idea what was going on, ever, and I had no idea that my random bouts of being unable to breathe and being convinced that I was going to die had a source. That understanding came later.
My freshman year of high school was the worst year of my life, hands down. I started the school year in August, I was fourteen years old, and I had no idea what was coming. I figured high school wouldn't be much different than middle school- I knew that I would have seven periods a day, all with different teachers, I had toured the campus, and I was taking classes with many of my middle-school-gifted-program friends. Honey, you've got a big storm comin'. *snaps*I'm not sure exactly at what point of that year hell broke loose, but I'm going to say around thanksgiving/winter break. From an education standpoint, I was not doing very well. I had the capacity to do very well, but I wasn't, and I didn't know why. It was extremely frustrating knowing that you have the complete ability to do something, but for some reason, you just can't.
Truth is, I was not doing well, folks. It's very difficult to know what the catalyst was for all that went down. Was it the environment of a public high school (bomb threats, cigarette bathroom fires, an actual stabbing)? Was it due to a toxic friendship that ended horrifically? Was it just the fact that I was an impressionable, sensitive young teenager and it was all too much? I'll go with D. All of the Above. I'm not sure how deep I should go into this for privacy reasons of myself and those who were involved, so I'm going to keep it kind of vague. Basically, my mental health was very, very not good. I was constantly leaving school early because of anxiety, all of my friendships dissolved, I had no relationship with God; it was a complete disaster, honestly. What I really don't get is how I managed to keep a boyfriend during all of this. Impressive.
By the end of the year, I was so beaten and broken by that experience that I physically could not do it again. Thankfully, God knew my heart and He gave me a way out. For my sophomore year, I switched to a private, Christian school and I've been attending there ever since. I've been able to heal over those two years, and by the grace of God, I'm truly well. My anxiety is still present, but it's a minor inconvenience at most whereas it used to prevent me from doing absolutely anything. Unfortunately, none of those friendships that I lost have been mended. I've apologized and reconciled, but none of them were renewed. But, truth be told, I don't mind. I have new friends, and while I have a lot fewer now, they are very precious and are built on faithful foundations.
A huge majority of people go through public school just fine- I believe experiences like mine are very rare. I would not wish the turmoil I went through on anyone (I really don't want to sound super dramatic but I went through sooo much, more than I'd be willing to share on here). Through all of this, I've gotten to know myself, and even to love myself. I'm walking steadily with Jesus, and, to quote the queen, Taylor Swift, I'm doing better than I ever was.
Thank you to those who actually read this! I do these for the writing aspect- I don't hope to be even slightly popular online. Except on Club Penguin. Party at my igloo. I have a rainbow puffle.
Wishing you joy, courage, & hope,
Jadyn
Loved reading this. Being homeschooled all the way through (and I loved it), I often wonder what it's like for those 'poor' public schoolers. :) My memories of middle and high school revolve around awesome books and history coming alive and discovering the things I loved. But now I teach at a Christian school and I see advantages of 'actual' school too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to go through so much. Our principal often says, tough things will either make you bitter or better--which one is up to you. And I'm happy to hear you have let your experiences make you better. Press on!
Hannah K
Thank you so much for reading, Hannah! I truly do wish I was homeschooled, and I think it’s an absolutely brilliant, safer, healthier alternative for a child’s education. There’s no way I’m ever allowing my child to set foot in a pulic school, so either homeschooling if I’m a freelancer or a private school like I attend. My private school is actually formatted like a college, and the lower levels are very parent-guided. It’s a really cool place that I wish everyone had access to if need be. I hate to think that some people have experiences similar to mine and don’t have the chance to get out.
DeleteI 100% believe that homeschooling is best choice. I think public school has it's uses (like for parents who can't homeschool their child for whatever reason), but when you throw together a bunch of immature and irresponsible children into one building, something immature and irresponsible is bound to come out of it.
ReplyDeleteI have never been to a public school. I am very grateful that I was homeschooled, and it is sad to think of all the kids who are stuck in a classroom all day, hurting and needing something else. I'm so glad that you found a private school that has been a good experience!!! <3